Beauty

It's been a while since I've noticed Giovanna's fixation with her hair. Sometimes she would fix it in certain way, then five minutes later she would take her hair down and try something else.

I've asked her several times why she's been so preoccupied with her hair, but she wouldn't answer. One day she said someone from school told her her hair was ugly. I didn't buy it, but I let it be. 

Today, while Giovi was getting ready for summer camp I noticed she was having a hard time with her hair again. I had a serious conversation with her, and demanded her to tell me why she's been so worried about the way she looks lately. She finally confided some of her friends look so cute, and she wants to look just like them. 

Oh boy, that hit me hard. Most of us have already compared ourselves with others, and we all well  know that's a rough path to take. Comparing ourselves with our neighbor, or colleague, or our gym instructor won't ever add anything good in our lives, and I feel so sad my sweet Giovanna feels that way.

I told her she is an amazing girl, beautiful inside and out, and explained to her that self worth is not measured by clothes, or shoes, or hair, but who we are and how we treat others. Like every mom, I wish I could make her see (now) how wonderful and beautiful she is, and that she doesn't need to compare herself with anyone because she is just perfect! But unfortunately, that is not how it works, right? Everyone has their own time (dang it!)

Two days ago someone post something really interesting on Facebook, and I'd like to share with you, and my sweet Giovanna:

"I get my hair colored often. My natural hair color is some kind of mousy brown I think. Honestly, I can't be fully certain. I haven't' seen it since I was fifteen or so. But it's dark. I do know that much. And in my heart, I feel like I am supposed to be blonde. I went dark once and it just wasn't vibing with who I was as a person. Jesus and I are gonna have a talk about it one day. I don't know shy he made my hair this color knowing darn well I was just going to cover it up and bleach it and baylage it away. That's a lot of money I've spent at the salon. I could've done, I dunno want exactly, but so many other things with it.

I wear fake lashes pretty often. I won roughly forty-seven different shades of lipstick and I have multiple night creams sitting on my bathroom counter; so clearly, I care about the way I look to an extent. Most of the time anyways (...). I've sat on the edge of my bed and cried about it before. I've sulked for days on end because of the number on a scale. I've had makeup lessons and sworn off sugar and laid in the hot sun smothered in oil for hours all in an attempt to be prettier. I've had things waxed, I've had thing threaded. I've had extensions taped in and clipped into my hair (...). I've spent way too much money on shoes, and jeans, and Spanx. And I've definitely spent way, way, way too much time trying to be pretty. 

I'm not super proud of it, but it's true. I think it's true for most of us.

But with some age and some experience, here are the things I've learned about being pretty. I hope they mean something to you. I hope you'll share them with your friends and your daughters and your sisters and whoever it has the potential to help:

- It will never be the most important, or the most interesting thing about you. And if it is, well, that's a problem.

- It will never be enough. I remember being young and thinking "if only I was prettier/if only my hair didn't get so frizzy/if only my legs were thinner/if only I had cuter clothes", And the truth is, even if I had had all of those things it still wouldn't have made one lick of difference. It still wouldn't have made me feel like I was ever whole, or worthy, or enough. Those things have always been and will always be inside jobs.

- It doesn't hold a candle to being beautiful. Beauty is who you are. It's the gifts Heavenly Father gave you. And it's taking those God-given gifts and putting them to use. It's using your light to shine a light in the dark places and the dark corners of this world. Beauty is action. Beauty is doing. Beauty is helping and giving and serving. Pretty may be sitting still and posing for a picture, but beauty... beauty is going out and getting your hand dirty and actually living your life in a way that causes other people to want to live theirs too. Beauty has nothing to do with your looks, and everything to do with your heart. Pretty is, but beauty goes out and does.

There's not one thing wrong with wanting to look nice. But needing to feel pretty, obsessing over feeling pretty, letting it rob us of so many good things and good times, that's just straight from Satan. That's just a distraction to keep us running after a carrot we'll never ever catch. That's just a clever, shiny, glittery way to divert our eyes from the only thing that truly matters".

Giovi, you have a heart of gold. You are compassionate, loving, caring, kind, and incapable of hurting anyone's feelings. You are understanding, obedient, and very, very sweet. You are also funny, happy, and energetic. And I am beyond blessed for having you as my daughter. My first one, who came to teach me so much about love. Thank you!